I ALWAYS thought cyclists who wore cable-tie spikes on their helmets to ward off swooping birds were a) unfashionable and b) overreacting.
That’s until I, too, fell victim to the Magpie Mafia and learnt post-traumatic stress can do strange things to you.
Cable ties, tennis rackets, even a cricket bat to the noggin — those birds deserve whatever they get in my humble opinion.
In fact I would even question if this whole “protecting their young ones” defence is actually a ruse to fulfil a sadistic blood lust.
My innocence was shattered during a morning run this week through Albury’s’ Mungabareena Reserve.
Shortly before a small white car had driven into the park and stopped.
I decided to turn around instead of doing my normal loop around the reserve, just in case the driver, clearly strange enough to hang out in their vehicle in a remote location mid-week, also turned out to be a murderer.
Little was I to know the real threat was to come from the sky.
BAM! It hit me hard and suddenly on the side of the head.
I saw a black and white flash out of the corner of my eye and could hear my attacker flapping as it prepared to line me up again.
As I began running away I could feel something hot and sticky running down my face.
The next few minutes are a bit of a blur but my boyfriend has since informed me I left a 20 second voicemail message on his phone as I attempted to reach him.
He can clearly hear my crying as I stumbled along the dusty road, pondering if I should call an ambulance.
Eventually he answered and I began blubbering about being attacked, alarming him greatly because it took me a while to get out the crucial “by a magpie”.
He rushed to my aid, finding me on the side of the road with blood matted in my hair, dripping onto my face, dotting my top and smeared across my phone screen.
At home, a medical examination revealed three horrific gashes to my scalp. Though others, perhaps more accurately, described them as “little scratches”.
So why would the bird attack me from the safety of is lofty nest when I clearly don’t have the athletic ability to climb a large gum tree?
And what sort of example is it setting for their young impressional fledglings?
Perhaps the Magpie Mafia are in bed with the gyms, part of a brutal campaign to increase spring memberships.
This story Administrator ready to work first appeared on Nanjing Night Net.